hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
