Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His nipple licking is glorious
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