He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
