3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
