He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
