playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
