I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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