Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
