Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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