I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You took a bar mat shot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
