Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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