he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize