Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
