Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
