I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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