I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize