i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
