he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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