Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
