dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
