Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize