I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
