I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize