ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize