Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
