All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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