She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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