hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
