They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
