we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
