Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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