dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
