You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
