On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
