Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why is half of my head shaved?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
