I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
