you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
