is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
