So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
