the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
