someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
