Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize