Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
