i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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