the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
