he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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