When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
