i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
