John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
