That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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