I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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