And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
