So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
