the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
third nipple confirmed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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