How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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