the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
