Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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