There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize