Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
